Thursday, February 16, 2012

True tales of a crazy couponer

   Yes folks you read that right. I am one of "those" people. Now if you're thinking of that stupid television show on TLC, you're dumb. It's not realistic.  Sure at Target or Wal-Mart that *might* happen once in a blue moon but it's never as savvy as it appears on there.  Cashiers are 1) Never that nice and (2) Watching your coupons like a hawk.  And that's Ok with me, they should be checking them, after all it's dishonest people that "decode" coupons that ruin the couponing fun for us all. And to those people I say, "YOU STINK".

  Now that we have that outta the way.  Let's go through a quick run-through of *why* I coupon. The basics, I hate spending money, I have 2 kids, I hated my job and thus we are a single-income family.  I had to figure out HOW to make up for my lost income.  Ta-Da coupons!!  I know everyone has these glamorous images of couponers, and the images are sorta like this:

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't dumpster dive for coupons, nor have I turned my attic/garage/office/bathtub into a mini warehouse.  As appealing as both of those sound, they're basically nutso and just not practical for most sane people. If you are one of those people, I urge you to seek help. Now. 

I did have a few good couponing trips this week.  And if ya'll wanna see photos of my stockpiles, I would be more than happy to post them, but I think you'll be sorely disappointed at my storage skills. I'm not an organized person. I'm a "toss it in the closet throw the door closed and pray it stays that way" kind of person.  I also realized today that I may have done some um, not-so-nice things while couponing the past 2 days.  Yesterday was not so bad I suppose. The torture was mostly placed on my kids. Wake 'em up, make 'em cram breakfast down, hurry to the store. Yea yea Trinity you can have a balloon, be quiet, sit in the cart, play with your Band-Aids (hey they were .19$ and Toy Story).  Maybe a tad rude, but not so bad.  Though I did have to kinda rush in front of a lady to get some Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  Today I had to lower myself to sneak attacks.  

On occasion, couponing will require us to ask God's forgiveness...and of course, the forgiveness of the lady I just had my 2 year old knock out of the way...  See, it started with the gummy vitamins today. Only one box left on the shelf. At 2.50 off I was NOT letting blondie have those Super Hero gummies. I had Trinity run and grab them (to my dear husband, if you read this, I apologize for turning our daughter to dirty shopping tactics). Score! She was so happy, bragged about her Super Hero gummies all day long! Then for the Bounce Dryer Bars, see I thought they were out, but I just happened to look up and see ONE LAST BOX! Next thing ya know, there's a fat chick hopping up and down in the aisles of Harris Teeter to grab the last box of Bounce.  I'm sure the other shoppers appreciated this image.  On to dairy. I had coupons for coffee creamer. And in my house, if ever God were to charge us for worshipping false idols, it would be the can of Folgers.  So, you see, I NEED creamer. 20 bottles apparently. Shut up.  Fortunately, my daughter has recently learned to count. There was a small crowd of people around the creamers so I sent her in, "Trinity, go grab mommy 3 bottles of the yellow one."  She's cute. No one knew what she was doing until I had 10 bottles of creamer in my cart and as we all know, possession is 9/10 of the law.  When we got to the yogurt (same small crowd, you would think these people had learned the first time) same little trick. I've also taught her to hunt for coupons left on shelves, unfortunately she can't READ the expiration dates yet, but she did nab us a few extras today for some potato chips for a surprise for daddy.  Nothing warms a couponing mother's heart like hearing your toddler scream, "MOMMY I FIND COOPON!" from the other end of the grocery store aisle.

In the end, over the past 2 days I spent 92.03 at Harris Teeter and saved around 150$ And I did at least give the kid a cookie when we got home. My trick for her next week...learning to cut on the lines. I'll report back on how well that one works...

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